everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
