So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
