Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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