Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.