I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid