My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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