Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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