it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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