you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
