I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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