I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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