dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
