I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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