i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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