I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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