Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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