the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
