okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
this hospital has no fireball
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
