I accidentally had phone sex last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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