Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
