Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
