no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
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He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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