so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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