Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
