I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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