I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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