Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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