About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
