oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
