That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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