I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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