Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
