she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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