If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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