member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
