Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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