let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this will be a night to untag.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
