no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
