I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I need to calm my uterus...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
