"it" just moved
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
