I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
