Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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