I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
