Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
