hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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