note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
