I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
