I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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