My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
