kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize