she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
