it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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