Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
