There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
