He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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