tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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