We're facebook friends in real life
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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